Riding the chaos

do you feel it?

Lately, life feels chaotic. Maybe for you, too? Time is slippery and fast moving. To-do lists are hard to write, I’m probably dropping some balls, weather skips towards summer here in Ohio (if only for a week), and I have a feeling time isn’t slowing down any time soon. 

Not every single moment feels chaotic. As I write this, I’m sitting in my backyard, drinking a de-caffeinated beverage, taking in the sun and light breeze, as my neighbor gets her garden started. Bliss! Peace! Carving out space to rest, finding harbors for a little refuge–these are necessary practices for riding chaos. life is change, baby. Sometimes it’s big and loud, and sometimes it’s quiet and barely perceptible. something. is. always. shifting.

Chaos isn’t a bad thing or something to be avoided. We may be able to skirt around it at times or look the other way, but I think it’s impossible to avoid altogether. So, I practice neutralizing my fears and preferences. Of course, I’d rather feel like I’m in control and on top of things (who doesn’t??). But, I also say that I want to let go, surrender, and avail myself to what is. Maybe these times of chaos are actually the best teachers for this.

There is always chaos, the world is a cacophony of happenings. Is it just my awareness that’s changed in this moment? Is chaos (or the awareness of chaos) a cycle/season/spiral?

Notice. See clearly. Set judgments aside. Be in it. Rest. Repeat.

view from Molly’s new community garden plot, sweet chaotic beginnings!

This past week I was invited to join a senior movement class in Durham NC (where I’ll be moving to in a few months)¹ at a community center for seniors, a public health service to support folks with dementia and their caregivers. 

Just before 10am on a sunny Tuesday morning, seniors, health aids, and caregivers filed into a multi-purpose room. Wheelchairs, walkers, smiles, and conversation trailed in along with them. All of us, 30 or so, gathered in a big circle, seated in chairs, prepared to dance to mostly Motown grooves for 45 mins. A slice of heaven in my book. 

As a participant-observer, I was paying attention to the facilitation, to the relationships in the room, and the spectrum of participation. It ranged: from rambunctious enthusiastic expression (dance solos, DJ requests, and hollering all welcomed!) to seemingly disinterested or resistant folks (taking a nap is cool too!). Between all of that was a bunch of bodies moved by familiar rhythms, shaped by togetherness with freedom to really do whatever you could and needed to do. 

As a first-time to the space, it felt chaotic and a little wild. Looking at any one participant, I was thinking to myself do they know what’s going on? Can they hear? Are they keeping up? 

Letting my eyes pan out, taking a wide-lens, I saw the cohesion. The room was moving together, it just took a little more seeing, less thinking more listening with my body. The tap of a neighbors foot, the cheering on of someone taking a solo, the laughter and the pause. Next to me was an older woman named Emily, we introduced ourselves a couple times, the synchronicity recognized. 

still from a collaborative performance this past weekend that was a dream come true | photo by Parker

Feeling my messiness, our messiness,  I practice taking the wide lens, being the loving observer who sees patterns and harmony when it feels like chaos. 

May we ride the chaos, inside and out. 

May we see the beauty in it and learn to love it. 

peace,

emily

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Let’s move together

A couple opportunities to move together if you’re in Cleveland:

• SPRING SHIFT on April 22nd - an afternoon movement retreat for women and non-binary folks. I am co-facilitating with the wonderful Tasha Brandt.

• Zouk Flow Experience April 28-30 a weekend-long zouk and flow arts festival. I’m teaching contact improvisation on Saturday and I think you can buy day-passes.

• Contact Improv Cleveland jam - weekly on Friday nights :)))

1. I’m embarking on graduate program for the next two years: MFA in Dance/Embodied Interdisciplinary Praxis - three words I love! Feeling a whole lotta gratitude and enthusiasm to dive deeper into the questions.