Sometimes water is a rock

meditations on flow

On Lake Erie’s shores, spring is breaking through. Ice is melting while the chance of snow still lingers. I’m reminded of the many shapes that water takes. That sometimes water is rock solid, literally encasing boulders and trees. It drips and extends, crystallizes, seeps into thawing ground, and evaporates off of roofs in the hot sun. 

I’ve been steeping myself in awareness of energy. My energy, the energy of a space, of my yoga students. Guided by mentors and words, I continue building trust in myself, my body to be my most consistent teacher. Listening, really listening, to what my body needs and quieting the narratives my mind creates. More sleep, movement, touch, fruit, water. Yes, more. 

be like water

flow

As a shapeshifter and water-sign, I’ve always had an affinity to water. There’s something comfortable about being formless and flowy and flexible and un-pindownable. I’ve connected with these elusive characteristics of water, especially around my emotional and inner landscape.

And as I recover from people-pleasing and achieving, I’ve had to get honest with myself about the flows I find myself in. It’s easy to get into a work-work-work, busy, commercialized flow - where productivity, keep-it-moving energy is the driving force. Or there’s the downward spiral flow of despair and overwhelm, heavy and as deep as the ocean. 

Going with the flow can become complacent with things as they are or not wanting to rock the boat. Quietly going along and pretending that everything is okay. Or being on auto-pilot. This happens in little ways and big ways. The flow of automatic call and response – how are you? Good! How are you? Or the years and lifetimes lived in the river of conformity.

Most of the time, I don’t think we’re aware of the flows we’re in. It’s not necessarily an intentional avoidance of something, but maybe there’s unconscious resistance to redirecting or changing. Not to mention the industry and media influences that pull at some of our deepest needs and fears, swirling up currents of frenzy, shaping our attention and actions.  

There is definitely some kind of flow of the city and of human-made systems. I think of the movement of the highway, bus schedules, or the patterns of weekday activity in city streets. Or infomercials and casinos. 

what is the flow of economic and social systems? of bureaucracy? of technology?

Some of these flows are downright beautiful ~ the digital flow of money towards the Ukrainian people  ~ the flow of an assembly line preparing food boxes and hygiene kits for community members ~ the ease at which we can connect and learn from our neighbors all around the world. 

Some of these flows can feel more like an escalator or a dog herding sheep. Or like a damn – a resistance and redirecting of flow, harnessing power for another purpose.  

Releasing judgment over whether the flow is good or bad, right or wrong, am I conscious of the flows I’m swimming in? What does the flow feel like? Is it fast, slow? Am I swimming or whitewater rafting or laying back on a raft?  

what is my flow?

what are my shapes and rhythms?

There’s our flow and there’s flow that is beyond us. But they are not separate or unrelated. In her book World as Self, World as Lover, Joanna Macy writes on our inherent interconnectedness with each other, with the systems we’ve built and fed, and with the planet. She offers hope to our mutual shifting towards life giving systems:

“Living systems evolve in complexity, flexibility, and intelligence through interaction with each other. These interactions require openness and vulnerability in order to process the flow-through of energy and information, bringing new responses and possibility into play.”

Flow can be shaped. Flow is not destiny or passive. It is active. Flow is a relationship. A conversation. 

I hope always to leave with more questions than answers, And in full transparency, sometimes I confuse myself with my own metaphors (hehe). But I think this is why I’m writing and sharing with you. I have these ideas and words bubbling up - this energy inside of me - that needs to move. I write to confuse myself and challenge my thinking and play with words and ideas. I know for sure, I write to connect, to love more expansively, and to be a bridge. I will not be a damn to this flow. 

be like water

flow, seep, drip, freeze, rage

much love,

emily