Positive Obsession

wisdom from Octavia Butler

At some mid-point of the pandemic, my dear friend and former domestic companion Bailey started a ritual of posing this question to her instagram story, 

what are you obsessed with right now? 

And each time, she’d share the beautiful range of responses: my cats, starting a garden, getting a new job, Schitt’s Creek, sleep, understanding my anxiety and depression, the tree outside my house, getting into grad school, this mac and cheese I’m eating right now. 

I remember struggling to respond to this question at first. Obsession felt like such a precise, weighty word, and I felt much too scattered, heavy and unable to put my attention anywhere remotely inspiring. But reading the responses of others, I lightened up. Obsession doesn’t have to be a big project or PhD or an abandonment of everything else. 

What am I obsessed with at this very moment? Where is my attention? What’s lighting me up? What’s pissing me off? What’s taking up my brain space?

Sometimes my mind obsesses with herself. But even in that headspace, there's a possibility for something else. Noticing little obsessions can be like a life jacket or breadcrumb trail for the mind. A little nudge or a grand redirection of attention. Something to focus on in this very moment, or maybe over the span of a few weeks or months. 

Octavia Butler (inspo to Bailey and myself) wrote about positive obsession in an essay about her journey as a young writer.  

“Obsession can be a useful tool if it’s positive obsession. Using it is like aiming carefully in archery… I saw positive obsession as a way of aiming yourself, your life, at your chosen target. Decide what you want. Aim high. Go for it.”

By Octavia’s definition, positive obsession is a vision of ourselves or something we want that coordinates our thinking and energy and effort. I think it’s a skill, a muscle, something to hone and encourage in one another. 

It is such a delight to witness others in their obsession. To listen to a friend’s newly recorded album or hear someone embarking on a new career path or buying a camper van. Or going to a concert or broadway show. Some level of obsession was needed to get there. Some vision that speaks louder than the doubts and distractions of everyday life. 

Honestly it’s much more of a delight to witness others when I’m allowing and listening to my own obsession. When I’m ignoring my positive obsessions, I feel jealousy and doubt arise in myself. When I’m nurturing my obsession, there’s mutual affirmation. 

Positive obsession isn’t an easy task. And there’s something about it that’s counter-cultural. To believe in yourself, to strike out on a different path, to change your mind, to choose passion over profit or stability. Social media can be like a show-and-tell of obsessions, but often, it feels like a chaotic shiny mall that draws my attention to what everyone else is doing versus what I need to do. 

I’m finding that I need trust in myself and in life. Trusting the call into obsession. Allowing myself to dive deep into something, even if I have nothing to show for it for awhile or ever. I think I fear what I may lose. Or what might fall away? The dishes, social events, relationships, social media, seemingly stable career paths, thinking about what everyone else is thinking about. 

Octavia’s science fiction novel “Parable of the Sower” centers around Lauren Oya Olamina, a teenage girl seeking change and community in a violent dystopic America. Lauren creates Earthseed, a religion, a way of being to guide herself and others towards survival. One of the Earthseed passages focuses on Positive Obsession:

How does our world of distractions maintain the status quo? How do our positive obsessions engage us in deeper, transformative work?

I feel old and new obsessions bubbling up inside me– movement, contact improvisation, energy, writing and sharing, God, nuns, interconnectedness and community. These are my arrows – what I’m pointing forward towards, what I’m shaping my life around right now. 

And then there are these little obsessions that help guide my day – the way crystals form on my window and how the winter sun hits my wall in the morning, my duolingo streak, morning prayer, this song by Paul McCartney. 

Positive obsession feels like a gift to my mind ~ like a thrilling rollercoaster, riding sweet neural pathways, digging deeper grooves into life-giving ways of thinking and being. 

I wanna get on the big roller coasters while being gentle and honest with our scattered brains and hearts, fried nervous systems, and over-stimulated society. 

>>>What are you obsessed with right now?

I’d love to hear from you. Respond to this email and I’ll share our obsessions anonymously in my next dispatch. 

obsessively grateful <3

emily