A prayer poem in the darkness

how are you tending to yourself?

Hi there, hello. Taking some inspiration from a new friend, Cassandra, I’d like to ask how you are doing at this moment before diving into more words. How are your shoulders? Is your jaw clenched? Do you need a glass of water?

As I write this, I’m letting myself take a big sigh, I’m noticing my breath. 

---

I am in a wave of grief and loss, acute and sudden, unspeakable and raw. I have nothing tidy to say, no parable or lessons I’m learning. Just sadness and mystery.

In the northern hemisphere, we are in the season of the shortest days. In my neck of the woods, on the shores of Lake Erie, the sun’s appearance is rare and dearly cherished when she’s shows herself. Some days are sealed with a thick layer of gray clouds, an impenetrable blanket, protective. 

Grief accumulates, takes new shapes, fills up containers, spills over and demands more care. I’m learning to feel grief as a practice, a lens through which to see the world - not pessimistic or depressing, but full of depth and compassion. 

This morning, I offer to myself and to you, a wide-open prayer poem. For tender hearts, for fire in our bellies, for connection and expansion. 

---

Sweet child, rest
It is dark and cold
There is nothing you need to do right now
You can just be
Be here, be with yourself, be with what is

Somehow, in some way, it is all okay
Somehow, everything keeps changing

Breath deeply
Feel your flesh expanding and shapeshifting
Just by being here, by being you
You are a miracle

It’s cold, but there’s fire in you
Do not ignore this
Do not be afraid
This fire keeps you warm, yes
And this fire will transform you from the inside-out
This is to be nurtured, celebrated, shared

This fire in you
She is fucking powerful 
Of course it makes you a little nervous
This means your listening

You can hole up into yourself
Cacoon or hibernate
This is okay, you are nature
Just, and I ask you this with tenderness,
Don’t stay here forever
Everything is cycling
Cells regenerate

Dear one, 
Relationships are life
Connection is a balm
You know this, even when you forget
You know this, even when it feels hard
Take baby steps 
Or, flail your whole body into the pond of interbeing
Your invited here, you belong

Risk crossing lines
Of politeness and protocol
There are times when we must spill outside the boundaries
Of our own body
Of patterns or expected behavior
Let yourself spill out
Let seeds of love grow wildy
Do not try to control or temper them

Love is brewing here
In the heat of fire
In the wetness of tears
This is rich soil
For expansion
For depth and change

You are in good company
Here, in the ashes of the forest
In the moist dark earth beneath your feet

It’s my prayer that you 
Let yourself ride the waves
Let yourself be tender
Let yourself shake
And play
And laugh
And love
So tightly
And so expansively
That you can’t help but to 
Surrender to this beautiful mess

---

I would love to know, how are you tending to yourself right now?

peace,

emily